The Death of “I”
Sadly, the “I” has passed away. Its birthday has been lost to time, but the beginning of the 21st century started its sad demise. “I” enjoyed standing in for proper nouns and taking long walks in a sentence with its two partners, “am” and “was”. Not only was “I” the foundation of most sentences, but people depended on this stoic and tall pronoun to represent them in all areas of life.
Now some upstart has superseded this grand pronoun, leaving some in a wake of chaos and disgust. “Am” and “was” aren’t sure what to think of their new partner; in fact, they are so upset about this phenomenon that they refused to give a quote for this obituary for their friend “I”. The new replacement is none other than “i”. This little pronoun has taken over and all but obliterated “I’s” place in the English language.
Careless, texting teenagers and irresponsible adults are not the only ones to blame for “I’s” deterioration. McDonald’s has certainly chipped in with their slogan, “i’m lovin’ it.” Some institutions of higher learning are even joining in killing the “I”. Lake Area Technical Institute in Watertown, South Dakota, has joined in with one of the slogans, “it’s your world.”
“I” is preceded in death by its cousins their/they’re/there, you, are, accept/except, fewer/less, quiet/quite/quit, were/we’re, and many other second cousins twice-removed.
The memorial service for “I” has yet to be planned, but not many are expected to show up. Please, hold off on sending flowers and any memorial money should be sent to schools for extra English language courses.